Right to be sad

I'm so grateful for the words this community shared with me through my last post. I wasn't sure whether anyone out there would find me again, since it had been so long since I've been actively writing. I was in a dark, sad place when I wrote that last post. Reading about your pain and feeling the comfort through your words was healing.

It took me a couple of days to feel better after writing that post. I kept doing what I needed to, all of those things that are sometimes unbearably hard to do and that keep us going because they give us a routine and something to think about other than our feelings. The blessing came when I did feel better. That's the mystery of grief - you go into the sadness and come out into the light. Knowing I will be okay once I go through the emotions gives me the courage to continue feeling them.

The hard part for me is creating the moments when you can safely feel them. How do you manage your grief in your daily life without others treating you like you're crazy? Most people think grief is linear, that it "goes away" after a few months. In my experience, this couldn't be farther from the truth. How do you honor your grief when there are so many other horrible things happening in the world? I feel that my grief is such a small thing compared to other tragedies. It's a constant tug-of-war between what I feel and what I think I have a right to feel. I must let go of the judgment, the fear, the uncertainty. I remember a wonderful moment in college when a friend who had had a painful life tell me emphatically that I should never allow anyone to tell me I didn't have a right to feel sad. I will hold on to that and let others think whatever they want.