Thursday, December 9, 2010

To remember they lived

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died -- you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." ~ Elizabeth Edwards July 3, 1949 - December 7, 2010.

I have no pictures, no locks of hair, no footprints, no graves to visit. I have no mementos of the seven lives that lived within me for such a short time. Without tangible proof that they existed, I'm left with wondering how to commemorate their lives. I've discovered that jewelry fills that hole. I have three necklaces that represent my babies - one with birthstones, one with names, and one that symbolizes the tears I have shed for all of them. My most recent piece is a bracelet called A Bracelet for the Broken Hearted. It is made of rose quartz, which is the stone of compassion and unconditional love. It has a heart on a band aid that represents a slowly healing heart. Hanging from the bracelet is a teardrop charm that represents the tears we must cry as we begin to heal, and the heart within a heart charm symbolizes the new tender self that is growing within. If you want to find this bracelet for yourself or to give to someone else, it is made by a woman in Canada who sells her jewelry on labelledame.com.

These pieces of jewelry are things I wear so I can touch my seven little spirits, since I am unable to touch them physically. These pieces of jewelry are something I can hold in my hands, since I was unable to hold my babies. They bring me peace and strength and courage. They also give me a conversation starter for my babies, a topic that is rarely brought out into the world. The jewelry is for me, and it's also for them. It's to let them know that I think of them always and to show them that I haven't forgotten that they lived.





6 comments:

mrsnice777 said...

I've purchased from labelledame before. I got her forget-me-not necklace, which is what inspired the title for my blog. Jewelry also gives me comfort. I love to wear that necklace in honor of my lost angel.

((hugz))
Jamie

alliemich said...

A fellow blogger made me a necklace with 3 birthstones for our 3 babies (right before the 4th loss) and in the card said, I hope you don't have to add any more stones. The jewelry is a beautiful, tangible rememberance of our children who are in heaven away from us bodily, but not spiritually.

I love the quote from Edwards. I may have to steal it from you for my next blog post. It is so very very true. Too many people ignored the losses and pretended that they didn't happen which only makes you feel worse and more alone. This quote needs to be on billboards all around the country.

I hope you are not having a difficult time during the holidays. They are always a tad rougher on me than other parts of the year.

Melissa said...

Thanks for posting Cynthia. I LOVE to wear jewelry in memory of Mikayla. I have to admit I'm actually a little addicted and I feel naked if I leave home without a piece associated with her. =) I'm glad you found this way to remember your children.

Kathy said...

We lost our first baby, a girl, at 23 weeks in February. It sucks!

I feel like nobody understands. My husband doesn't even get it! And what you said about reminding the parents of their child is SO true -- when we went home for my sister-in-law's wedding in April, my father-in-law never mentioned it ONCE. It was like, hey, let's just be happy for Jessica. Jessica, I AM happy for you, but do you think it wasn't hard on me to be at your wedding when I didn't even expect to be allowed to travel? I mean, geez louise.

Anyway, thank you very much for sharing. My prayers are with you and your angels.

butterflymom said...

Love that you are finding things that keep the memory of your babies alive....((hugs to you)) See you on Wednesday!

Reese's mama said...

I have used Elizabeth Edwards' words when talking with loved ones. It's been 3 and a half weeks since we lost Owen. The cards have stopped coming, but the tears still flow daily. Some people we thought were friends didn't show much support, and people already tiptoe around our grief a little. Nobody will ever remind me of Owen. It's impossible, because I will never forget. I ordered a footprint pendant from My Forever Child, and I am anxious to wear a memory of Owen close to my heart. I send you hugs, and I thank you for sharing your words. They are helping me greatly.

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