Sunday, May 23, 2010


I sometimes get asked how I'm dealing with what has happened to me, how I'm coping with having yet another miscarriage. I'm not sure if people are actually wanting an answer, but I got to thinking about it. I have the conventional ways: leaning on my husband, writing on this blog, crying when I feel like it, talking to my therapist. I also have ways that aren't so conventional, but are very necessary to my healing. Making a list of these ideas was helpful for me. So, here it is.

1. Online shopping. The idea that a package is going to show up on my porch in a few days gives me something to look forward to. Right now, it's a new bathing suit.

2. Beauty products. I am a beauty products junkie. Always have been. There's something about a new mascara or shampoo that makes me happy, albeit temporarily. I could spend hours in the cosmetic aisle of Walgreens, Target, or Sephora (if I'm feeling indulgent). I may already have 30 lip glosses in the same shade of pink, but another one will make me feel better.

3. Reading a book, watching t.v. or a movie. I like the opportunity to escape into someone else's life, even if it's only for a hour. Robin Hood helped last week; now, I can't wait for Sex and the City 2, the ultimate escapism movie for a girl, to come out.

4. Gummy bears. They take me back to my childhood. They were the first thing I wanted to eat when I had my braces taken off. I don't know what it is about the sweet, chewy candy that brings me comfort. Thankfully, my son enjoys them too, and sharing them lessens the guilt.

5. Indulging in things that I don't allow myself to have during pregnancy: coffee (even though I only drink decaf, I don't want it when I'm pregnant), alcohol (which I don't particularly enjoy but will drink to say "F you" to what happened), pain medication (prescription, of course), and the occasional sleeping pill.

Unfortunately, exercise and cleaning the house didn't make this list. Maybe when I'm feeling stronger in a few weeks or months, those things will be more appealing. For now, I'm going to Sephora (with gummy bears in hand).


Renovation Girl said...

I really struggle with what to say to people who ask after any given moment I feel twenty different emotions-and most not very positive. I have been indulging in a little retail therapy myself and drinking caffeine, eating soft cheeses, seafood, deli meats-anything on the "not safe to eat when pregnant" list. If you figure out how to channel thie energy into cleaning the house, let me know. ;)

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