Monday, July 13, 2009

Surrender

I surrender.

I surrender to the anxiety.
I surrender to the fear.
I surrender to the desperation.
I surrender to the jealousy.
I surrender to the sadness.
I surrender to the longing.
I surrender to the guilt.
I surrender to the wish that my life didn't include this experience.
I surrender the fight.

There is a sweet release in throwing your arms up to the sky and saying, "I give up. I can't do it any longer." There is peace in giving in to whatever balm you need to soothe your soul, whether that is a good cry, writing in a journal, digging in the dirt, talking about your baby, or running until you hurt.

There's a strength in surrender. I've been fighting a fight that can't be won. It's gotten harder each time, and I now surrender the belief that I can manage all of this as I have been. I accept whatever help I can get in order to feel better, whatever form that help comes in. I feel a sense of peace and comfort that I haven't felt in a long time.

I surrender. What a relief.

1 comments:

Christa said...

Good for you Cynthia! But I know all too well that surrendering is not easy. I hope you will find peace and growth in this moment.

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