Complete

How do you know when your family is complete? Do you look at your kid(s) and say, "Yes, this is enough." Do you have a feeling like something is missing from your life? Do you search everywhere you go for this missing thing, wondering when you're going to find it? What if you don't get to choose how or when to add to your family?

Through my journey of healing, I've come to a state of peace with what has happened to my family and how different it is from what I dreamed of. I've come to a state of peace in knowing that my family is perfect just the way it is. If my husband and I have only one living child, that is more than enough and I am grateful.

I still think of people I know who have had all the children they want, and I envy them for having "completed" their families. They decided to have another child, and they had one. I realize this is simplifying things a bit, but that's how it looks from an outsider's perspective.

Even in the absence of logic, I picture a baby girl in my future. I imagine myself pregnant with her, being at the hospital for her birth, and introducing her to her big brother. These thoughts give me hope. It may just be wishful thinking or crazy daydreaming, but I like it and I'm going to keep it.