I am coming out of the fog and seeing the beauty that exists when the sun shines brightly on the world. I took the prenatal vitamins out of the back of the closet and took one without feeling angry. I drank some soda because I needed the caffeine to help my headache, and not because I wanted to punish my body for not being pregnant anymore. I laid my hands on my belly and felt the soft slope of my own body, and not the void of a life that left me. I felt joy from seeing a picture of my coworker with her newborn son.
Time does not, in fact, heal all wounds. Time provides an opportunity to work through your pain. If you can work through your pain, you can learn to appreciate what you have and the time you have left. Every day, you make a choice to either get up to face the day or to put a pillow over your face. Making the choice to work through the pain takes energy and courage. It is working through your pain that will move you to the other side of tragedy - the side that enables you to feel grateful for what you have survived and what you still have. It's a difficult journey, filled with setbacks, tears, disappointment. Potholes. You can learn so much along the way. You can survive, and you can come out on the other side.
Aloha!
7 years ago
4 comments:
well said. I love your posts.
You've said it all so eloquently. I once read "its not the time that heals, it's what you do with that time" So, I remain hopeful and trudge further down this road and cling to faith.
Cynthia, your words ring so true for me. What a beautiful post. I'm at the same place as you right now, no anger, no pain, no resentment. I'm so very proud of you!
It's nice to read another mom's blog who is further down the road of grief than I. I especially appreciated that you wrote, "Time does not, in fact, heal all wounds." Would that it did, then we could just sit in our rooms and listen to it tick-tock by.
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